If Only
by Edwards brunettes
Summary: What if Bella's motives for cliff-diving had been completely different? And if it had been EDWARD who'd saved Bella in New Moon instead of Jacob? You think you know this story? You Don't. Co-write! Full Summary inside! R&R PLEASE!


**Full Summary (sort of): ****What if Bella's motives for cliff-diving had been completely different? What if she really WAS trying to kill herself? And what if Edward had followed his instincts and checked up on her? What if it'd been EDWARD who'd saved Bella in New Moon instead of Jacob? What would've happened? A lot. What would've changed? Everything. You think you know this story? Two words...you don't. **

**A/N: We're a team of co-writer's, and this is our first story together! First of all, we'd like to tell you where we're starting the story from. Our story starts during Chapter 15 of New Moon, on the day when Bella and Jacob are planning to go cliff-diving. But in our story, they didn't plan on doing that. They just decided to hang out together. So, I hope that clears up all confusion, and if it doesn't leave your question in a review, and we'll answer when we post our next chapter! So, that's all! READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!!**

**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight! We are not Stephenie Meyer or Summit Entertainment!**

**Chapter One**

It was one of those dreams where you're falling, just falling through the air, and you have no idea why. Then when you hit something, you jerk out of your sleep like a bomb went off in your head…

I sat straight up in my bed as I was jerked out of the bizarre dream. Panting, and my body covered in sweat, I tried to sort out what this dream could possibly mean. The dream seemed to have some significance, but I couldn't figure out what. I looked at my clock, now ready to plop back asleep, but knew I wouldn't be able to now that I was wide awake with wonder. It was nine.

I got dressed slowly, my feet seeming to drag. I couldn't, no matter what I did, get that dream out of my head. Its cryptic meaning kept drawing me back in, even when I knew I should've been focusing on something else. I should've been focusing on life, on the now, on what I knew. But the thought of the dream kept eating me inside as I began to go through my morning routines.

The shower didn't clear my mind like I would have liked, the steam just made me more aware of the dream somehow. Its mist as mysterious and un-inviting as the confines of the dream; making all my other thoughts seem nonexistent. I could only think of one thing, it.

Soon, I gave up the shower altogether, and decided to settle with getting breakfast. But when I got downstairs to look for something to eat, I suddenly felt nauseated, my stomach twisting into complicated knots that seemed impossible to untangle.

I sat down, starting to feel light-headed. What was wrong with me today? Suddenly, the phone rang, and jerked me up out of my chair.

"Hello?" I answered; my voice a little shaky.

"Bells?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, Dad," I answered, trying to get my heart to calm down. "What is it?"

"Well, nothing…I…er…just wanted to..." He beat around the bush.

"Just spit it out dad," I said half-heartily.

He sighed, "I just wanted to check up on you."

"Why?" The confusion was thick in my voice.

"Well, uh..." He sounded a bit uncomfortable. "You were just…making a lot of noise in your sleep last night." I barked a laugh.

"We all know that I tend to talk in my sleep, Dad," I reminded him.

"Yeah, I know, Bells, but..." He sighed. "I don't know…you were whimpering…even crying, I think. Are you ok?"

It took me a minute to answer. Was I ok?

"Yeah dad, I'm fine." I said, not being totally honest, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Ok then, I guess I'll see you tonight…" He trailed off.

"Ok dad, love ya," I said in an effortless tone.

"Love ya, too, bye Bells!" He replied.

"Bye, Dad." I slammed to phone back on the receiver, and breathed a sigh of relief.

Whimpering? Crying? Why couldn't I see what my subconscious was trying to tell me? I felt as if there was something that I was missing, but what?

I glanced at the clock. It was getting later, and I still had to make it over to Jake's. My mood lightened a bit at the thought. Maybe being with Jake would help me forget about that stupid dream altogether.

I went upstairs to put on my rain boots, and blow-dry my hair-though I knew it would just get wet again later. I hurried through the whole thing, not really thinking about what I was doing. When my hair was dry and my boots were on, I flew down the stairs and grabbed my jacket from the hook in the hallway and glanced at the clock. 30 minutes had passed. No wonder guys thought girls took forever, they did, but we have a lot more to worry about then they do, so we have an excuse.

I threw my coat on, and rushed out to my ancient dinosaur of a truck, locking the door on my way out. When I got in the cab, I jammed the key in the ignition and the beast roared to life. I buckled my seat belt, and carefully backed out of the driveway.

Surprisingly, it only took me a few minutes to reach La Push, and I was glad for that.

I pulled up to the familiar little house and parked my truck. When I got out, Jake wasn't there to meet me, and I was instantly sad again.

_Maybe he's still sleeping, or taking a shower_. I thought reassuringly, though it was unlikely, he always came out to greet me.

I sloshed to the door and tapped on it lightly.

"Come on in Bella," Billy's familiar voice called. He'd heard the rumble of my ancient monster when I'd pulled up. I opened the door and went inside.

"Hey Billy" I said, more upset to not see Jake coming out of the bathroom, or coming out of his room half asleep. "Jake asleep?"

"Er, no," He answered, looking apologetic.

"What happened?" I demanded, fear bubbling up to the surface.

"Embry, Jared, and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning. Sam and Jake took off to help. Sam was hopeful-she's hedged herself in beside the mountains. He thinks they have a good chance to finish this." The room started growing fuzzy as what he said sunk in.

"Bella? Are you ok? You don't look so good..."

"I don't know," I answered truthfully.

"Well, why don't you sit down," He said, gesturing toward the shabby old couch. "I'll get you a glass of water."

I nodded, and stumbled over to the couch. I sat down and closed my eyes, trying to force the dizziness to stop.

This was insane. Why would they risk themselves like this? My breathing became labored as the anxiety grew within me. I had to do something. This had to stop! My heart crashed angrily in my chest.

_Concentrate_, I told myself, _don't let it over run you_. I knew exactly what it was, but I would not admit to it, that would only give it more power.

I could hear Billy banging around in the kitchen. I tried to concentrate on the noises he was making, to try and distract myself. Because what had overwhelmed me, what had washed through me to my core…was the sense of loss, the sense of being left behind. And that reminded me oh so prominently of him. I didn't dare speak his name, it would just fuel the fire.

I heard Billy turn on the faucet, fill up the glass, turn off the faucet, and wheel over to where I was lounging helplessly.

"Here you are Bella," he said in a reassuring tone. I struggled to open my eyes, focusing on the glass of water.

"Thanks," I managed to say weakly, taking it with a shaking hand. I couldn't take a drink though, because that awful feeling of nausea and knots came back to my stomach. I needed to get away, Billy would call Charlie for sure if I didn't get better soon. I didn't think I could get up though, have the strength.

I had thought about him, thought of losing him. The thought would have just ripped the hole back in my chest, where my heart used to be, but it came back, with backup.

_Where is this all coming from?!_ I screamed in my head. I thought about the first time this nausea and twisting had invaded my stomach. But there was nothing significant about wanting to eat breakfast. I thought harder. The dream. It hit me like a bag of bricks. I gasped at the internal blow, opening my eyes for the first time, to see Billy looking at me with a worried expression. As soon as I drummed up what strength I had left, I tried to make myself look as normal as possible.

"I think I need some fresh air," I said to Billy. He didn't seem to like the idea, but he nodded and kept his eyes on me as I shakily stood and stumbled towards the door.

The cool air cleared my head for a second, and I was able to breath a little easier.

_Relax_, I told myself as I walked down toward First Beach. _It's fine. They're fine. _HE's _fine!_

I paced up and down the beach, no doubt looking like a mental patient.

_I have to DO something!_ I repeated to myself.

All of the sudden, everything snapped sharply into perspective.

_Do something_, a voice told me. _Do it for them! Do it for yourself! Do it for Edward! _I cringed at the thought of his name. _Do something!_

My mind went back to the dream. I was falling, falling for no reason at all. Or was there a reason? My mind clung to that idea.

"I have to do something," I whispered into the wind, and automatically, I knew what I would do.

My feet started moving involuntarily toward my destination. My eyes locked on the high cliffs, and I forced my feet to move upward, each step growing more and more determined.

The wind blew harder and harder as I made my way to the top, my hair blowing wildly in all directions, but my mind was only on what I was about to do.

The rain started shortly after I started my trek upward, its sheets blending in perfectly with the tears streaming down my face. I told myself it would help. I told myself that it would help everyone finally get away from this twisted mess that I'd created. I told myself that this would make it come to an end.

I knew I had to. My subconscious had been trying to tell me that. I had to for him. What about Jake? I thought about how heart broken he'd be. But he wouldn't have to risk his life for me anymore, because I'd be dead, no vampires would come after me anymore. I thought of only one thing after that. Him. And all of his beautiful glory.

I finally made it to the top of the highest cliff, and looked down at the drop below. The waves churned dangerously around the rocks, and I smiled.

"Edward," I whimpered into the cold wind that blew my tears across my face. But I got no further, my sobs stopping the words in my throat.

_This one's for you_, I finished bitterly in my head.

Then I stepped up to the edge, and without further ado, flung myself off the cliff, and plunged to the fate that awaited me in the darkness below.


End file.
